um....

Feb. 7th, 2014 06:47 pm
woolymonkey: (singe a la licorne)


???
woolymonkey: (singe a la licorne)
From Monkey Federation Academies' bulletin:
14:45-15:45 Science Talk – Dr Jenny Wiseman from the Goddard Centre NASA years 10,11 and sixth form, entitled “is there life on other plants?” at Coleridge in J6-1
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
Have you read the customer reviews for policeman wenlock on amazon?  Just brilliant.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] darth_hamster for pointing me at them.

Look at the tags too.

not funny

Sep. 28th, 2011 07:40 pm
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
My ears seem to be on the mend, slowly. I'm still deaf and uncomfortable and will have to go on dosing them with drops for at least another 18 days, but they do seem to be mending. However...

... the sodding fungal infection has migrated to my nostrils, my scalp, and my eyebrows. I didn't even know that was possible. So now I have prescription ointment and prescription shampoo to go with the two kinds of prescription ear drops and the pills.

I really hope this clears up before my first tutorials--Mon and Wed. On the plus side, I have not yet quite run out of Iain M Banks to reread. (Can u gess witch 1 Im reedin 2day?). Also Bollywood with [livejournal.com profile] la_marquise_de_was most therapeutic.

ETA It's only candida, so I shouldn't pose a risk to others unless your immune system is also screwed by other illness and/or antibiotics.
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
1. From wikipedia, while looking for info about Spider's GCSE exam board, OCR, created by merging several qualification providers, including Midland Examining Group (MEG):

Subsequent physics syllabi released by the OCR included the now infamous (fictional) units the "Ocrawatt" and "Ocrajoule" due to overzealous find-and-replace on MEG's part (in previous and later syllabi, the units were correctly written as "Megawatt" and "Megajoule".)

2. from a student essay:

The reason people get a sense of spiritual wellbeing in Milton Keynes* is that the town 'contains so much Greenland'.

* If you still doubt the beneficial spiritual properties of MIlton Keynes you may need to read my previous post.

Thank you

Apr. 5th, 2011 12:34 pm
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
The proletariat were the ones who ran the country and the bourgeoisie were the ones merely raping it for all it was worth to them. All it needed was for someone to point this out.

From a student essay on Engels and the industrial revolution.

And there's more... )



whut?

Dec. 17th, 2010 10:54 am
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
This morning's email from the monkey school:

Dear Families
We have recently been made aware of a new "craze" among certain students of grabbing someone around the neck, and throttling them so that they pass out for several seconds.
Needless to say we have banned this highly dangerous "pastime" at school but wished to alert parents in case their offspring decide to indulge in this "party trick" over the Christmas period.
Regards
Heads of School


Meanwhile, the crucial information on whether monkeys will be released at lunchtime or 3pm remains Top Sekrit. Spider is at home anyway (feeling better, but wobbly). I'll see Squirrel when I see him--assuming he hasn't been "strangled" or "arrested" for "monkeyslaughter" in the "meantime".
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
Squirrelmonkey was innocently getting on with his science homework when he came across this scary website about dihydrogen monoxide.

Read it now and be extremely alarmed! This stuff is used in the nuclear industry, by the KKK and Al Quaeda. It is found in ALL cancer patients. Yet it is available in our homes and schools (where it has been linked to learning problems, antisocial behaviour and violence)..

Read more and join the campaign to get it banned. This one will run and run.

All you science people have probably known this for years.
Hint for those of us who chose Humanities: if the anxiety gets too much, you might want to think about the chemical formula for something that has two of hydrogen and one of oxygen...

Phew!

May. 31st, 2010 01:52 pm
woolymonkey: (guitar chimp)
Spidermonkey's blood tests came back normal about the same time as he came back from Norfolk with slight sunburn and without one flip flop, most of the tent pegs, and the inner part of the tent. (We hope the tent is with his friend, B. Not to bothered about the rest of it.)
It sounds as though they had a good time in total chaos. It was lucky Spider, M and A had our 4-person family tent, because J and B were supposed to be sharing J's one-man tent, but it blew away (J forgot to pack tent pegs), so they all ended up piled into our one. They managed to cook noodles and pasta (though not to the standards of M, whose mum is Italian), and discovered that spam really is that disgusting. They walked miles and miles (extra miles because they got lost rather a lot), but they made it to their destinations with time to spare, avoided getting caught in the hail, and even managed to buy chips before they had to get the bus home.

Squirelmonkey's broken trumpet has had a temporary fix and his teacher will take it away for a proper mend after half term. Thank heaven it's hired from--and insured by--Cambridgeshire Music Service. I just hope the music service is still there next year. I know many councils cut theirs right out of existence long ago.

After all that, we weren't going to manage an early get away to Sussex on Saturday morning. We left at 11 and got caught in hideous Bank Holiday traffic. 4 hours for a 2 hour journey. But there was a lovely seafood lunch waiting when we got there, and a Sunday walk over the Downs to the Trevor Arms in Glynde. I'd lost faith in Harvey's best bitter after finding it quite average at the beer festival, but it still tastes fantastic in Sussex. (Pity they'd left the running of the kitchen to a bunch of well-intentioned, but clueless 15 year-olds.) Oh, and we spent Saturday night watching Dr Who and Eurovision. I don't often see Spider totally gobsmacked, but I don't think he'd known adults could willingly embarrass themselves to that extent. Especially Moldova. (Though we quite liked Turkey, kinda. They had proper guitars.)

The drive home was easy, and the kitties proudly displayed a wide range of prey they'd slain in the garden and dragged in through the cat flap on Saturday: a Very Special Stick, and a black rubber bit from a bike light fitting. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] la_marquise_de for kitty feeding and cat flap curfew. Then Humbug found the catnip mouse we brought back for them. Humbug really likes catnip.

We slept in till 11 this morning. Will poddle down to the allotment later, but mostly plan to do nothing/watch South Park/play with kittens.

By the way, did you know there is a website called 'Maths Is Fun' where you can play shoot'em up games and watch a bazillion streamed episodes of South Park, at school in the Learning Centre without interference from the net nanny? (Although you do have to be careful in case less web savvy kids spot you and think you are actually going to Maths sites, and having fun.)
No, I didn't know either, and I'm stating for the record that neither of the teen monkeys knows a thing about it. But their knowledge of South Park is scarily encyclopaedic.
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
When you're worried about the accident prone Spidermonkey you sent off to Norfolk with suspected glandular fever and a friend who's re-engineered his lighter as a flame thrower, you do not want to be called out of the shower by the phone ringing. Especially not for a mechanically-voiced SMS message that begins, 'Mum, I have broken my...'

After a brief pause to allow me to succumb to heart failure, undergo CPR, and recover my sense of hearing, the message continues:
'...trumpet. Please bring my old cornet when you come to the performance. Squirrelmonkey.'

I'm still shaky from shock, but as I get dressed and rush over to school with the old cornet, am I the only one wondering, how the fuck did that happen?!?!
woolymonkey: (singe a la licorne)


Wise advice indeed.


woolymonkey: (keyboard)

cats

Feb. 18th, 2010 10:13 am
woolymonkey: (keyboard)
Fruitcake is eating again and acting normal (for Fruitcake). She's had a couple of brief wobbly moments observed by [livejournal.com profile] tamaranth, so I suspect all is not quite well, and she's still very skinny, but we seem back to a kind of normality. Phew! Maybe she'll live to meet the new kittens after all. I'm sure she misses feline company, although the arrival of hyperactive fluffballs may give her second thoughts. (We'll make sure they don't crowd her too much.)

Proper kitten post once I get the current batch of marking done, but I have to pass on this advert for a pair we're not getting, in Croydon:

(2 Female) two beautyful kitten and cat for sale
1 is black and fluffy and the other ligt gay tabby.
they are good with childern very good temperment very affecionate movein and unfortnatley movin and can not take them with me if possible would love them together only to a good home


Things are coming to a sorry pass when kitties have to type their own adverts, but it's good to see they're confident and aware of their identities. Is ligt like lgbt do you think?
woolymonkey: (Default)
Current Parisian law forbids women to wear trousers, unless, of course, horses, bicycles of the chief of police are involved, in which case, tout va bien, madame.
woolymonkey: (Default)
I've just come home from a dyslexia workshop for UU tutors, where I gathered a small amount of useful info and enough material for a new episode of The Office. The trainer was David Brent in female form, if you can imagine that. She was totally freaked when one of the tutors attending the workshop said he was dyslexic.

After that, she couldn't give him a handout without fussing over whether he'd be able to cope with it. She consistently referred to people with dyslexia as "they" so she could tell us exactly what "they do". Apparently, they don't like to be stereotyped because they're all different. But don't correct their spelling because, (David Brent voice here, please)"they won't remember anyway: they're dyslexic!"

Then she read our feedback forms while we were still in the room with her, albeit trying to get out.
"Simplistic and patronising. Well thank you very much!"

I promise you:
a) I did not make it up
b) Was not my form, honest. Out of a group of 11, I can think of at least 4 (other) people who looked fed up enough to write that.
c) Those quotes are what she said. I did not even tweak them.

Bless U

Jul. 7th, 2009 09:04 am
woolymonkey: (keyboard)
Those of you following my employer's efforts to fight swine flu with bureaucracy will be excited to learn that, already, less than 24 hours after we were notified of the University Pandemic Alert Phases...

We has 'Swine Flu Update 2'... )
woolymonkey: (wtf?)
I have now read my employer's University Pandemic Plan.

Requirements and expectations of key stakeholders in a pandemic should be agreed.

Key stakeholders? ... in a pandemic? Is that people with a significant percentage share of the virus? 

There are four pages of this tosh!  With a total of 7 coloured and numbered University Phases of Alert, and a hint of more to come!

I particularly enjoyed this (from University Phase Red 1):
It is likely that there will be only a few weeks at most between a pandemic being declared internationally and the disease being reported inside the UK.

Though I'm also fond of
Staff contact lists should be reviewed and updated.  (University Phase Amber 2.  I wonder what they do with staff contact lists the rest of the time?)

During University Red Phase 2:
Staff members confirmed as having the virus or with flu-like symptoms will be instructed to stay at home until they have fully recovered.  (This is point 8 of 10 points for urgent action.  One can only hope it is implemented in time.)

But the real fun begins with University Phase Red 3:
At this stage there will be widespread outbreaks of flu across the  wider UK with the associated disruption that will be caused by closures and reduced capability in all aspects of industry, logistics, and essential services. NHS medical support, and the level of service provision available, may be severely disrupted and staffing levels are likely to be reduced by a substantial amount due to a combination of sickness and enforced absence.  Depending on the severity of the disease and the transmission rate, there is expected to be a period of 3-4 months during which the University will need continuously to review the threat to its activities, and to adapt its operations and its plans accordingly.

So, when we're down to a tenth of our normal staffing, no-one can get to tutorials because public transport has been suspended, and the health service is crumbling under the strain of treating the critically ill, all will not be lost!  No!  The two or three members of staff still able to breathe and not confined to quarantine will be heroically reviewing the threat to activities and updating the action plan.

They forgot to mention which University Phase we are currently enjoying but, in case you're wondering, it all ends up with University Phase White:
As the number of new cases of pandemic flu begins to reduce...
Action to be taken at this stage:
...
2. The CRT, with advice from the PICC, will co-ordinate the measures necessary to return the University to normal operation.
Planning for future stages of the pandemic:
...
4. The PICC will review this flu pandemic planning framework and incorporate amendments as necessary based on real-time events and occurrences during the pandemic phases.
5. Unit IRTs will review the responses and occurrences during the pandemic phases and will amend their plans accordingly.


Well, isn't that good to know?
woolymonkey: (keyboard)
Simple tasks such as playing a musical instrument, gardening and mending a bicycle every day could protect your mental health.

Either the researchers or the Daily Mail reporters have odd ideas about what constitutes a hobby. I live in a city where cycle travel and broken bottles are the norm, but I'd struggle to mend my bike on a daily basis.

When I do have to tackle bike repairs, results suggest the mental health benefits may be seriously overrated.

Gardening and music, sure. When I do those, I feel much better. Or could it be about having the time to do them?
woolymonkey: (Default)
Got this from [livejournal.com profile] mingmerciless.

Photobucket

Would be more than happy to post Sterling and Euro equivalents in the name of even-handedness, but lack photoshop skills.

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