The fine art of cat-fattening

[woolymonkey]

My efforts to fatten up poor wasting-away Fruitcake go something like this:

Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Monkey *looks round to check Zil is upstairs, closes kitchen door*
Monkey:OK, sweetie, here's a sardine.
Fruitcake:THANKYOUTHANKYOU! NOM!
*Licks 2.5ml of oil off the sardine, exit in direction of Frozen Outside*
Zil *thuds down the stairs and lurks behind closed kitchen door*
Monkey *Makes mug of tea, opens door just wide enough to escape kitchen while blocking Zil with feet and carrying hot tea* (Not always successful)
Zil*goes to sulk/wait/sleep in front room*
Monkey *cleverly closes door of front room and goes upstairs to work/lj*

Two hours later
Monkey *returns to kitchen with empty mug*
Fruitcake *rushes in.*
Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Sardine *is still in bowl*
Unloved dry catfud *is under sardine*
Monkey *does washing up, prepares dinner, trips over frantically begging Fruitcake, swears* Repeat until...
Teen monkeys *Come home from school, storm into kitchen for snax, get told to do homework, go to watch TV instead, leaving kitchen door wide open as the they rush to the front room...*
Zil: NOMNOMNOM *expands visibly*
Bowl *is empty except for chewed up fragments left over from Zil eating dry food with half her teeth missing. Nobody eats these. Ever.*
Monkey *shuts kitchen door behind Zil and tops up food bowls just in case...*
Fruitcake(ignoring food bowls): HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!

(originally posted as a reply to bugshaw, but I think it belongs here.)

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Poor fruitcake. But more than one cat sitter has observed that Miss P believes gravy is a food group, but that actual chunks of meat will spoil her size zero figure. Right now she has gravy (chunks pushed to one side) for breakfast, and about half an ounce of chicken in the evening. Frequently she decided this is far, far too much for a high class puss and vomits on the floor.

But it never stops her demanding food.

[smtfhw.livejournal.com]

I'm glad we're not the only ones... Our pair tend to consume all the gravy and then look pathetically at us as if to say "Some cat's eaten all the gravy! This food is too dry to eat..."

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

On the plus side, Fruitcake seems to have no trouble keeping it down. Zil's the one who'll overdo it with messy consequences.