The fine art of cat-fattening

[woolymonkey]

My efforts to fatten up poor wasting-away Fruitcake go something like this:

Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Monkey *looks round to check Zil is upstairs, closes kitchen door*
Monkey:OK, sweetie, here's a sardine.
Fruitcake:THANKYOUTHANKYOU! NOM!
*Licks 2.5ml of oil off the sardine, exit in direction of Frozen Outside*
Zil *thuds down the stairs and lurks behind closed kitchen door*
Monkey *Makes mug of tea, opens door just wide enough to escape kitchen while blocking Zil with feet and carrying hot tea* (Not always successful)
Zil*goes to sulk/wait/sleep in front room*
Monkey *cleverly closes door of front room and goes upstairs to work/lj*

Two hours later
Monkey *returns to kitchen with empty mug*
Fruitcake *rushes in.*
Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Sardine *is still in bowl*
Unloved dry catfud *is under sardine*
Monkey *does washing up, prepares dinner, trips over frantically begging Fruitcake, swears* Repeat until...
Teen monkeys *Come home from school, storm into kitchen for snax, get told to do homework, go to watch TV instead, leaving kitchen door wide open as the they rush to the front room...*
Zil: NOMNOMNOM *expands visibly*
Bowl *is empty except for chewed up fragments left over from Zil eating dry food with half her teeth missing. Nobody eats these. Ever.*
Monkey *shuts kitchen door behind Zil and tops up food bowls just in case...*
Fruitcake(ignoring food bowls): HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!

(originally posted as a reply to bugshaw, but I think it belongs here.)

Comments

[bugshaw.livejournal.com]

Poor Fruitcake. *sends hamsters*

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

Send the fat gerbil instead.-- Zil

[bugshaw.livejournal.com]

Fat gerbil cannot run as fast!

*is tempted to send rat*

[smtfhw.livejournal.com]

HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!

And presumably it's all your fault too...

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

Of course. I am ev0l and almost certainly trying to poison her. Seriously, until the vet comes up with a more plausible explanation, I reckon her weight loss is all down to thinking, 'Don't eat the food--it's drugged.'

[smtfhw.livejournal.com]

We have similar issues with Mollekens, who regards anything I give him as potentially poisoned... He'll eat what Lynne puts in front of him, but only after giving it a good suspicious sniffing first. Luckily he's not in need of fattening up (he's not known as "Chunky Chops" around here for nothing). His brother has no such qualms about food.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Would she eat it if presented on a different plate? (This used to work with Caspian -- it was then human food and thus Better.) Heating things lightly helps, too, as it makes them smellier.

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

To Fruitcake, human food is Deeply Suspect (ev0l, remember?). She won't even scavenge it when we're out of the room.

The only place for non-moving food is in the Food Place. I usually serve sardines in a separate bowl, mostly so I can wash it up after, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Leftover turkey is unacceptable unless warmed over, but that seems to be an exception.

The only thing Fruitcake can be relied on to eat is a webbox cat stick. She's crazy for those. Luckily, Zil doesn't even recognise them as food. (I don't blame her.)

What F really likes is Food That Moves. She'll even eat dry food a bit if you make it bounce across the rug. I'm not prepared to try this with sardines.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Actually, if I may - canned sardines and canned tuna aren't really good for cats. Too much salt and the wrong kind of preservatives. Wet cat food that's mostly meat and dry food that's the same (as in, no wheat or corn gluten) is the best for their picky little systems. Have learned through hard experience ...

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

At this point, I'm beyond caring what she eats as long as she puts on a bit of weight. I do try to give her the treats only after she's had a bit of actual cat food, though.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

If the situation's that desperate, maybe you could try a little blandly boiled chicken, no salt? If she likes it, she might then move on to chicken-flavored/filled cat food?

(Actually, I have a friend who is something of a cat expert - she has four of varying personalities and illnesses, and has been a cat owner for most of her life. If you want someone to ask advice from, I mean.)

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

In fact, I think she's starting to fill out a bit. Will update properly once she's been back to the vet for a proper weighing. My scales aren't that reliable, but I can feel a bit of cat between bones and skin now. Fingers crossed she'll soon be back to her usual Keira Knightley figure.

[amenirdis.livejournal.com]

This makes me smile so much! LOL!

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

:)

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Poor fruitcake. But more than one cat sitter has observed that Miss P believes gravy is a food group, but that actual chunks of meat will spoil her size zero figure. Right now she has gravy (chunks pushed to one side) for breakfast, and about half an ounce of chicken in the evening. Frequently she decided this is far, far too much for a high class puss and vomits on the floor.

But it never stops her demanding food.

[smtfhw.livejournal.com]

I'm glad we're not the only ones... Our pair tend to consume all the gravy and then look pathetically at us as if to say "Some cat's eaten all the gravy! This food is too dry to eat..."

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

On the plus side, Fruitcake seems to have no trouble keeping it down. Zil's the one who'll overdo it with messy consequences.

[justawench.livejournal.com]

Nobody eats these. Ever.

Why is that? Fluffy McButterton* spent the past summer with an ever-growing collection of crumbs in the bottom of her bowl until I finally broke down and dumped them. Lately though, she's taken to noisily licking her empty bowl, in order to hopefully garner some kind of pity feeding.

Hope your little Fruitcake overcomes her food issues. Do you think she's just trying to get your attention?


*Not her real name

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

Fruitcake doesn't want my attention because I'm ev0l. (I'm not ev0l in the front room or the bedroom: she loves me there. But in the kitchen, I am ev0l.)

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

I shut Sylvester in my bedroom with his food dish for a few minutes so Frank won't get it. If there's food left when I check on Syl, I put the bowl up high where Frank can't get to it and wait and offer it later to Syl when I can shut the door again. This results in Frank not getting Syl's food, and Syl finishing it in increments.

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Fruitcake and Zil are pretty equal in physical fitness and Zil is WAY smarter. Fruitcake is so thick she hasn't even figured out how to push on a half open door to get it wider open. If it was the other way around, I could stop Fruitcake finding the food just by moving the bowl to the other side of the room, which wouldn't even slow Zil down.
I suppose if access to the bowl was via a narrow aperture...