The fine art of cat-fattening

[woolymonkey]

My efforts to fatten up poor wasting-away Fruitcake go something like this:

Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Monkey *looks round to check Zil is upstairs, closes kitchen door*
Monkey:OK, sweetie, here's a sardine.
Fruitcake:THANKYOUTHANKYOU! NOM!
*Licks 2.5ml of oil off the sardine, exit in direction of Frozen Outside*
Zil *thuds down the stairs and lurks behind closed kitchen door*
Monkey *Makes mug of tea, opens door just wide enough to escape kitchen while blocking Zil with feet and carrying hot tea* (Not always successful)
Zil*goes to sulk/wait/sleep in front room*
Monkey *cleverly closes door of front room and goes upstairs to work/lj*

Two hours later
Monkey *returns to kitchen with empty mug*
Fruitcake *rushes in.*
Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Sardine *is still in bowl*
Unloved dry catfud *is under sardine*
Monkey *does washing up, prepares dinner, trips over frantically begging Fruitcake, swears* Repeat until...
Teen monkeys *Come home from school, storm into kitchen for snax, get told to do homework, go to watch TV instead, leaving kitchen door wide open as the they rush to the front room...*
Zil: NOMNOMNOM *expands visibly*
Bowl *is empty except for chewed up fragments left over from Zil eating dry food with half her teeth missing. Nobody eats these. Ever.*
Monkey *shuts kitchen door behind Zil and tops up food bowls just in case...*
Fruitcake(ignoring food bowls): HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!

(originally posted as a reply to bugshaw, but I think it belongs here.)

Comments

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Actually, if I may - canned sardines and canned tuna aren't really good for cats. Too much salt and the wrong kind of preservatives. Wet cat food that's mostly meat and dry food that's the same (as in, no wheat or corn gluten) is the best for their picky little systems. Have learned through hard experience ...

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

At this point, I'm beyond caring what she eats as long as she puts on a bit of weight. I do try to give her the treats only after she's had a bit of actual cat food, though.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

If the situation's that desperate, maybe you could try a little blandly boiled chicken, no salt? If she likes it, she might then move on to chicken-flavored/filled cat food?

(Actually, I have a friend who is something of a cat expert - she has four of varying personalities and illnesses, and has been a cat owner for most of her life. If you want someone to ask advice from, I mean.)

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

In fact, I think she's starting to fill out a bit. Will update properly once she's been back to the vet for a proper weighing. My scales aren't that reliable, but I can feel a bit of cat between bones and skin now. Fingers crossed she'll soon be back to her usual Keira Knightley figure.