The fine art of cat-fattening

[woolymonkey]

My efforts to fatten up poor wasting-away Fruitcake go something like this:

Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Monkey *looks round to check Zil is upstairs, closes kitchen door*
Monkey:OK, sweetie, here's a sardine.
Fruitcake:THANKYOUTHANKYOU! NOM!
*Licks 2.5ml of oil off the sardine, exit in direction of Frozen Outside*
Zil *thuds down the stairs and lurks behind closed kitchen door*
Monkey *Makes mug of tea, opens door just wide enough to escape kitchen while blocking Zil with feet and carrying hot tea* (Not always successful)
Zil*goes to sulk/wait/sleep in front room*
Monkey *cleverly closes door of front room and goes upstairs to work/lj*

Two hours later
Monkey *returns to kitchen with empty mug*
Fruitcake *rushes in.*
Fruitcake: HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!
Sardine *is still in bowl*
Unloved dry catfud *is under sardine*
Monkey *does washing up, prepares dinner, trips over frantically begging Fruitcake, swears* Repeat until...
Teen monkeys *Come home from school, storm into kitchen for snax, get told to do homework, go to watch TV instead, leaving kitchen door wide open as the they rush to the front room...*
Zil: NOMNOMNOM *expands visibly*
Bowl *is empty except for chewed up fragments left over from Zil eating dry food with half her teeth missing. Nobody eats these. Ever.*
Monkey *shuts kitchen door behind Zil and tops up food bowls just in case...*
Fruitcake(ignoring food bowls): HUNGRY HUNGRY!!1!1! I IZ STARVING!!!1!

(originally posted as a reply to bugshaw, but I think it belongs here.)

Comments

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

I shut Sylvester in my bedroom with his food dish for a few minutes so Frank won't get it. If there's food left when I check on Syl, I put the bowl up high where Frank can't get to it and wait and offer it later to Syl when I can shut the door again. This results in Frank not getting Syl's food, and Syl finishing it in increments.

[woolymonkey.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Fruitcake and Zil are pretty equal in physical fitness and Zil is WAY smarter. Fruitcake is so thick she hasn't even figured out how to push on a half open door to get it wider open. If it was the other way around, I could stop Fruitcake finding the food just by moving the bowl to the other side of the room, which wouldn't even slow Zil down.
I suppose if access to the bowl was via a narrow aperture...